Friends: Part 2
I am almost over my illness and it is quite a relief to be able to use both nostrils to breath with again. I am waiting for my mother to finish her phone conversation, and then we are going to rent a movie or go to the theater. Recently, I have been quite preoccupied with my peers. I have been so preoccupied that I have left little time to be a productive member of my family. I feel like a bum sometimes when I see the amount of work that my mom does and the amount of sitting around (such as right now) that I do.
I keep telling myself that I am going to start helping out more, but somehow I always feel tired. I have deduced that this is probably a combination of actually being tired and not wanting to do things that are not urgent, in other words, procrastination.
I feel bad because my mom is one of my best friends. She has helped me so much over the course of last years events that I feel forever indebted to her. I can’t think of one thing she has ever done wrong in her life. That is a strong statement, I know, but she is that good of a person. If there are angels on earth, my mother is one.
That’s why I feel bad when I argue with her. I feel bad when I tell her that she is not being reasonable and that she does not understand. She has the wise, all-knowing smirk down pat. I feel bad about a lot of stuff, but then again, I like the times that I have to myself too. I like when there is nobody around, even if they are not bothering me.
“I take a home in the woods, by myself if I can”
Friends: Part I
What a perfect day for thoughts. I am sitting at home, alone, sick, and it is overcast outside as it usually is in these parts. Many times I have written about the great connection between people, and most times it has been from the perspective of people as a genaral unit. I would like to take a moment to get my thoughts down on friendships. Specifically, this triad that I have right now.
I have never really had friends. I have never had real friends (with the exception of one that lives in Serbia, and my friend who thinks I’m a douche). That is, I have never had real, constant friends until this year. It is a rather interesting series of events that caused this new friendship to bud, but I do not regret it.
A few months ago, I would have considered my best male friend to be the male party from my previous post. We would always eat lunch together, and we always had each other’s backs. He was, and is to this day, a good guy, and I would never speak a word against him. I respect him for who he is, but we have always had our differences. Our way of thinking is drastically different, and for this reason, it is very hard to continue a friendship in which we both have different views on life.
It is unfortunate - the way in which we stopped being friends. I started dating his “ex”. And then, after a load of childish drama (which also included my ex), we stopped talking. I do regret the way in which this all happened, but out of it I have gained two great people. The girl I am with is wonderful, and the third party of our triad is a fantastic addition.
Now, about the triad. We went to the beach a few weeks back. There, we sort of planned our own route and time. We had one day, but we started early and came home late, so it was plenty of time. I feel close to these two guys, more than I have ever before, and I am thankful for it. Why is that though? I am getting hazy again… Perhaps I will finish this post later.
A Message To My New Readers:
Before reading this, take a minute to be at peace with your minds.
I want to begin by saying that I am not interested in your intentions. Nor am I interested in your feelings, your anger, your frustration etc… I am not interested in whether you like or dislike me. I am not even particularly interested in whether you will take this to heart. I am interested, however, in you. You are both humans of this Earth who have not erred greatly. Therefore, you deserve at least my acknowledgment.
This is not an apology for what has happened. I realize that I have made the both of you mad. Each in his and her own way. I can suggest to you what I think is the right thing to do in this situation, but I get the feeling that that would not change the way either of you behave. For this reason, I will give no suggestion.
I just ask you this one question:
What is important to you?
Is it your families, the people you love, your friends? Maybe it is your gratefulness for the life you live. Maybe you realize that you have a huge advantage of most of the other humans on this Earth. Maybe you know that you always have someone to lean on when you are in times of trouble. Maybe you know that there is a bright future in store for the both of you. Maybe you just value life itself.
I have said my piece. Do with it what you will.
There is a Solution!
If you are offended by anything you read here, there is a quite simple and effective solution. Don’t read it! There is no reason you should be creeping around on my blog, and then confronting me at school about it. Yes, I’m talking about YOU. Changing spark plugs is my business. I am SO done with you.
peace-
The wailin’ guitars girl
The crash of the drums
Make you wanna keep-a-rockin’
Till the morning comes
-MC5
Think about this:
When you look up at the stars on a clear night, what do you think about? Now, how would you look at them if the atmosphere was not transparent and we could only see them once in a thousand years? How would man appreciate their divinity then?
Thanks for the book, Katie. I really like it so far.
“Instead of narrowing your world and simplifying your soul, you will take the whole world into your soul, cost what it may, before you are through and come to rest. This is the road that Buddha and every great man has gone, whether consiously or not, in so far as fortune favoured his quest.”
Herman Hesse - Steppenwolf
Regulars.
losingdinosaurs:
Life is good.
We walked in and she was like “Do you guys need menus?” “Nope” “Alright, sit anywhere” “Thank you” And then she poured us our usual two cups. Life is good. Also, this new group of three feels like it will last for a while too.
Someone new in my car
I changed the spark plugs on my car. The old ones were getting on my nerves. They were dirty and inefficient. Sometimes they would just start getting in the way of things, when all I wanted to do was drive. Even after I took them out, they would still drip oil all over the place and try to stain my things. But these new ones are good — they are responsive and understanding when i need to rely on them. They are clean and down to earth and I really like them. I have a feeling these spark plugs will last me a long time.
Aint no college gunna tell me what to do!
So tonight i went to Mississippi Pizza with my mom. She is allergic to gluten, so we go there sometimes. Anyway, we had an important talk about my future. I’m not sure what I want to do yet, so I told her that I want to go to PCC and get my pre-reqs out of the way first before I make a commitment. She agrees that this is a fine idea, but she is just worried that I will lose motivation and not want to return to school (a “real” college”). I understand where she is coming from, but for now I think this is the right track for me. The plan is one year and then transfer to another school and begin my philosophy major.
That is another story in itself. Philosophy major. Thats right, that no-good hippie major that I can’t really do anything with. Well, it may sound over-ambtious, but I want to be a professor of philosophy. I want to write a book on my thoughts — but I digress..
I ended up getting on the topic of explaining to her that I needed independence and that she could not understand because she was a woman. Stupid. Of course she understands. I just felt that as a young man, I could not emphasize enough my need for being my own person and finding myself, not to sound cliche or anything. We ended on a good note tonight, which is always good with my mom. I know we are always on an underlying good note, it just doesn’t always come through.
out-
